THE MAN WHO PREDICTED THE DEMISE OF THE EARTH

THE MAN WHO PREDICTED THE DEMISE OF THE EARTH

      Being the further adventures of Hanuman Murali and friends

It was Thursday; it was the day before the Earth would end. Friday the twentieth of December 2010 was officially chosen by Swami Vichitrananda of ‘Come Live Life’ foundation.

The Come Live Life foundation or CLL was an offspring of a similar foundation, devotees of the Swamiji claim that the CLL was conceptualized in the mind of the swami and finally found a place after a philosophical falling out with his former guru. The guru continues with his own flagship spiritual enterprise and often takes humorous digs at CLL.

The Guru whose name I forget then retreated to the background and left for the Himalayas where he hoped he would finally meet God, Swami Vichitrananda had by then opened a spiritual bookstore and meditation center at downtown Seattle.

It was during these times in a world obsessed with the end, a blonde reporter from Seattle who had no idea the effect his question would create.

“Swamiji” he asked “do you think, the world will ever come to an end? If yes when?”

Some women in the audience jeered at the question, only few of the some were journalists; others were just people who found extra time after shopping and had dropped in to see what a meditation room was. The Swamiji cleared his throat and said “like everything else in this world, the world itself is perishable, consider an apple it ripens and then falls to the ground ultimately decomposing to form food for the micro-organisms.”

Many in the audience said “Oooh!” because they hadn’t expected an orange clad swamiji to speak words such as micro-organisms, at that very instant they started to believe in every word he said. In fact they had least expected to speak English and words like micro-organisms were high even for shopping Americans.

But there was this divergent fellow in the audience, as there always is and he too happened to be a journalist of a newspaper of some standing but he wasn’t blond. He raised his hands and asked “So Swamiji are you communist? Because you are saying the apple we eat is also what the micro-organisms eat, which sounds to me as Communist propaganda, equal work equal pay that sort…could you care to explain”

For this too, the audience responded with “Oooh”.

The swamiji by now had been suddenly affected by incessant coughing, his disciples bought among them as to who will deliver water, but the Swamiji unfazed by cough or question continued or in his best attempt tried to answer.

“I’m no communist…lok lok….I’m a spiritualist…if I were to predict the demise of the planet…lok lok…lok it may happen any minute…lok..lok..next minute…even maybe next time..lok lokku..” what followed was more coughing until he was finally revived by water, the gathering ended by people in the back formally standing up, like how all gatherings should end.

Since the world did not end the next minute, the people of the world had collectively deiced that the world would end next year. A local newspaper also carried a news article in its second page which went “Pseudo-Commi Swami predicts Earth’s demise”

For a few days internet intellectuals played around with the titles like Commi Swami but finally came upon a more respectable title “the man who predicted the demise of the earth” and for the next three hundred days wherever the Swami went, he was asked to comment about his previous comment; he declined.

Finally in the days leading to the New Year he did come to Madras and our magazine had a blow up with the eponymous title, and I was asked to do the interview.

Sources close to the Swami had told me that he had become increasingly nervous and spent entire hours closing his eyes and nodding without a break, a new method to ease tension. He really couldn’t make up his mind whether the world will end or not, how so he loved to be proved wrong, he also wished that he was right secretly.

So that Thursday night, I found myself on the granite floor of the Madras branch of CLL foundation, the Swamiji was not present and it was only hours before midnight and the alleged complete destruction of the world.

Lots of other media also had gathered there, including twenty four hour news channels who had sent a pretty female reporter who was the most worried that she kept asking her camera man “Do you think the world will really end?” the camera man kept re assuring her until one time he was so irritated he said “Madam, nothing will happen; even if something happens no loss for me, I haven’t paid January house rent”

Nivas who had driven me to the meditation centre preferred to stay with me and watch the ‘apocalypse’ with me where it happens rather than get sensational reports in the next day’s paper. I reminded him that if the world ends there would be no next day’s paper, that logic didn’t get into him much.

One of the news channels I was told was having a countdown clock with extra large digits, like the ones used during the New Year and another one had call in sessions asking people what they would do just before the end. One actress tweeted that she didn’t want to be there when all it happens as she was too tender hearted, skeptics meanwhile had a happy day bullying the rest of the population and there I was in the center of it all.

After some thought I decided; apocalypse or not my life would be as it had before, a sense of pride suddenly swept over me; that I should be humble and proud at the same time for being so insignificant.

Finally an hour before it occurred, all of us in the media who had built a makeshift center felt it, the earth shook and that happened right below our legs. It was an Earthquake.

Shouts like “Oh no it is true!” and “Take that you skeptics, in your face!” were heard as the hundred of us who were gathered there tried to get to some safe place, but even before we had covered some paces it had ended.

The earthquake had ended, it was no earthquake after all; just a tremor, all of us heaved a sigh of relief. Nivas said “that’s it? No water submerging Himalayas?”

At a distance we could see two raised hands, it was the Swamiji, he shouted this time the cough wasn’t there,”Oh! The prayers have saved the world; we have been saved and were fortunate enough only to receive a minor shock, my prayers have not gone to waste.”

All the disciple sadhoos around him shouted “Swamiji has saved the world through his prayers and brought about world peace! Long Live Swamiji!” and such, the TV guys had seen whatever they wanted to see and the millions at home had seen it through them, many at home came to the ground and offered prayers of thanks sometimes with tears let to fall the entirety of their cheeks. There had been no deaths.

The next day a newspaper carried the line “The man who almost predicted the demise of the earth” with a 3000 word article.